1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a Star Thumb War

I'm glad Lucas has finally decided to release the original cuts of Star Wars on dvd. I still love these films even now and seeing them again only highlights just how badly he went wrong with the prequels.
They also demonstrate brilliantly that sometimes once a film has been released it should be left alone. His constant tampering with the original trilogy hasn't always been to their benefit.
Having said that it's funny how the mind plays tricks because I didn't remember the originals being quite like this...

Crystal Maze

Anyone remember the good wholesome cheesey fun that was 'The Crystal Maze?'



For those of you that have missed out on this here is the basic premise: A team of people would go in to the maze which featured four zones (originally Aztec, Industrial, Medieval and Futuristic). In each zone they would have to complete a couple of tasks to win crystals. These challenges were classed as 'physical,' 'mental,' 'skill,' or 'mystery.'
If a contestant failed a challenge and didn't get out of the room within the time limit then they would be locked in. If they actually managed to win one of the crystals this could be used to buy more time in the Crystal Dome at the end of the show. In the Crystal Dome they would have to try and collect gold tickets to win a final prize. With me so far?

A few years ago there was a tv show called 'The Adam & Joe Show' where they had sketches that were acted out by toys. One episode featured some Star Wars toys taking part in an episode of 'Crystal Maze.' Myself, Xulub and Rhub all managed to see it but ever since then I've had trouble convincing people that this was real if we've ever been discussing comedy shows. Luckily for me I now have proof. Adam Buxton, of 'Adam & Joe' fame has put it up on YouTube unleashing it on the world once more.
The first time I saw it I thought it was hilarious, partly because of the 'Star Wars/Crystal Maze' combination but mainly because mouths superimposed on inaminate objects are always funny.
Enjoy.




Now I wonder if they have 'Thumb Wars' anywhere on YouTube...?

All Change

Today was my first proper day at the new place of work for the next year.

On my arrival I was greeted by the sight of the rather impressively smashed window. Let's hope that this is not a sign of things to come.

They had been having trouble with a gang of local teens at this library and had had to get the police involved. Since then it had all quitened down but it seems that they returned on Saturday and started causing trouble again until the police came to remove them. Whether this incident had anything to do with the window that was smashed later that night remains to be seen but if I had to guess...

MC had an appointment with the midwife last week, who told her that it looks like the baby is going to be coming along a little bit earlier so the new date is now November 22nd. How they work this out is beyond me. All I know is that I thought this due date was coming around quickly and now it seems to be getting even quicker. Scary.
GF was allowed to listen to the babies heartbeat while she was there. When I got home that night she started rubbing MC's tummy, pointing and saying 'Baby.' Way too cute.

Batman: Dead End

This was pointed out to me by Rhub, a fellow Batman fan. It's a pretty slick looking fan made film. God knows what the budget was for it but I bet it was a lot less than what it actually looks like.


And you thought you had bad days at work...






If you want to know more about it go here.

I always wanted to be a poet...

... when I found out how they get paid.

Continuing the recent poetry theme here is the video for 'Poets' by The Tragically Hip. It's one of my favourite Hip videos and not just because it features a load of cats in the audience.

AHOY, ME HEARTIES!

pic from wikipedia

Sometimes you learn something new that makes the whole day worthwhile. Today is one of those days. For those of you who don't know I found out this morning that September 19th is International Talk Like A Pirate Day. If you don't believe me just click on the link. How awsome is that?
So get out there now and start shivering timbers.

Yarrrrr!

The Angel's Lament: A Poem

The Angel's Lament

I searched all day and every night,
But couldn't get the answers right-
And though I tried, I tried in vain,
With questions that brought only pain.
So on I ran amongst the shades,
Where heartache followed darkened days.
I call her name;
The angel cries;
My valentine has hollow eyes.

On Poetry

For some reason poetry has been cropping up in several unrelated conversations recently.

This has got me thinking about how much I used to enjoy poetry and yet how little I either read or write it these days. I think if there is one thing guarenteed to put you off poetry it's education. Poetry works much better when you go out and discover it for yourself. You can take it at face value or attribute any meaning to it you may want it to have. If it says something personally to you then you know you've found something you can enjoy. It's exactly the same with music. How would you feel if you were forced to study a song? Slowly dissecting it until no word remained unturned. Eventually that song could end up having less meaning to you because you've scrutinized it so thoroughly and been given all of these theories as to it's possible meaning. If a song has any meaning to you it's probably because it's linked to a memory. This might be the first time you heard it, an event that happened while it was playing in the background, or just a memory that the words triggered and then became inseperable from.
Poetry shouldn't be taught in a way that explains everything. If a magic trick is explained it no longer becomes magical. Why should poetry be treated so coldly? If poetry is not dead, as a lot of teachers will insist, then why give it an autopsy?
I had one tutor while I was studying for my A-levels who was obsessed with one thing and one thing only when it came to poetry. Don't get me wrong, ordinarily he was a very good teacher, but show him a poem and in kicked the one track mind to the point of ridiculousness. Whatever a poem said, whatever had been written about it, whatever you may have thought, the poem we were looking at would always turn out to be a metaphor for the penis. Always.
Now I've studied enough literature to know that phallic or sexual imagery is a consistent theme in a great many texts. The strawberry scene in 'Tess of the D' Urbervilles' between Angel and Tess springs to mind (and I think I've just worked out why korova likes Thomas Hardy so much...) . However this teacher would attribute this theme to anything he could think of. I remember one poem we studied was about a fighter plane that had crashed in a village during WW2. I forget the name of the poem or who wrote it now, but there was a rather grissly description of the airmans corpse. A particular detail was how one of his slightly melty eyeballs had popped out and was resting on his cheek.
'What do you think this represents?' the teacher asked.
We offered up a few suggestions, each of which were casually batted away or treated with the contempt of the well educated man about town with a phallus obsession.
'Don't you think the author is referring to the penis?' he said.
'No!' we all cried, incredulously. 'It's an eyeball. It says it's an eyeball. It's fallen out of his eyesocket. Why in God's name would anyone think it's a penis?'
Believe it or not even though we had studied enough poems with this man to completely accept and even joke about his singlemindedness, none of us had seen it coming (pardon the pun).
'Well obviously it's a metaphor.' he said, refusing to back down.
'You can only take metaphor so far, surely? This is a poem about a dead airman with a melty eyeball. Is there room for metaphorical knobs? Wouldn't that be overdoing it?'
Apparently not was the answer we left with in our scarred little minds. From that day on none of us would ever trust anything ever again, just in case it was a penis in disguise.

Still, the point of all this phallic rambling (sounds painfull) is I want some suggestions for poetry to read. I've always tended to stay away from anything fairly modern, but I'll give it a try if it's reccomended. I like Keats, Poe, Blake, Wilde and Coleridge to name a few and a lot of the war poets, if that helps with any suggestions.

In the meantime I've dug out a short poem that I wrote well over ten years ago now. Looking back on it I was really proud of it at the time but it seems so... (as much as I hate the word) quaint now. I'll post it up for your appreciation, or amusement as you feel appropriate.

That Friday

If anybody wants to know what the other members of staff were up to while I was lording about like a ruddy great ponce, go here to read Rhubs true tale of terror (& tots). Not everybody had such a great day...

If that doesn't cheer you up then try heading over to Redrawn's blog where he has found the legendary tale of Chad Vader.

The Weekend

Yesterday was an awsome day at work because absolutely nothing went wrong!

Through sheer luck I ended up with enough staff to keep the whole building open and nobody called in sick so all of the branches stayed open as well.
I did start to get a bit cocky at one point, declaring that nothing had gone wrong before the day was over. This did scare some of the staff who were worried I would jinx it but then (cue evil laughter) it's important to keep them on their toes. I did make sure I touched wood after saying it as well. You can never be overly cocky when you're as superstitious as me.

Of course it never would have gone as smoothly as it did without the team of people I had working with me on Friday, so a huge 'Thank You' to all of them. I'm really going to miss them when I move up the road in just over a weeks time.

For now though it's the weekend so I'm off to do some colouring in with my daughter before she starts on the walls.

Cell child

Blimey, my colour cell has already had a child.
Click here to see.

Why we will never be invaded by posh aliens

"Earth-like planets may be common

Earth-like planets orbiting other stars may be far more common than had once been thought, a study suggests."

This is a rather disapointing news story. I'd always hoped that when we were eventually invaded by aliens it would be in a stereotypical British tourist kind of way.

Posh Alien: Hallo? Do you speak alien? Awfully pleased to meet you. What's the local cuisine like? Really? I'll just have chips.

You know, just to see how we would like it.

The idea of other planets being common is quite scary. Who would want to be invaded by a bunch of chavs?
Then again it may be too late to worry about. They're aleady here...

pic from wikipedia

Thunderbolts & Lightning

There is a place where Bond villians go to die and it's name is A********.

The little known town of A*s*h*l*s is fast becoming the bane of my life. Lorded over by a brutish menopausal fruitbat they seem determined to make my life a misery by playing strange and unnecessary mind games with anyone they come in to contact with. So far I've managed to outwit them at every opportunity which has made me increasingly unpopular. Unfortunately it seems to have made them even more determined.
Bearing in mind I'm never at my best between the hours of 10pm and, well- let's say 9pm the following day, I've been doing pretty well to stay ahead of them so far. Sadly they are now attempting to get other members of staff in to trouble so there is the danger of things turning ugly (or should that be uglier) pretty soon. The laughable thing is that while this particular group are quick to point the finger of blame for all the worlds woes at whoever happens to be a convenient target, the moment they get caught out in one of their wacky schemes they are so quick to turn on each other.
Ah well, c'est la vi(l)e.
After a crap couple of days we had a massive storm tonight with torrential rain. I love this kind of weather (especially if I am watching it from indoors) so this cheered me up no end. At least it will be the weekend soon and I can get two days away from work. Here are some pics hot off the press from tonight:


DARK




DARKER



BRIGHTEST


I love storms.

Where The World Drops Off

Magic Bean

Star Trekkin'

Star Trek celebrates its 40th birthday today which makes me happy, mainly because it's older than me.
For my money the original crew was the best. None of the other casts came close to the interaction you got between Kirk, Spock and Bones.
The Next Generation was watchable for a while but eventually I got bored by it- I still haven't seen the final few episodes. 'DS9' just never really grabbed my attention. Again some of the blandness that seems to plague much of Trek put me off, the same way it did with 'Enterprise.'
As for Voyager, don't get me started. I fell asleep watching the first episode and never looked back.
I think the original series was just too hard an act to follow. Captain Kirk was a velour clad Shaft, McCoy was a grumbly old curmudgeon (something we can all aspire to) and Spock was the kid you picked on at school for having sticky out ears and a bowl cut. Picard was okay as a captain in a believably commanding type prescence sort of way but I still believe Kirk could have kicked his arse, torn shirt and all. DS9's most exciting character was a shapeshifter who could turn in to furniture and Captain Janeway sounded like she had swallowed a kazoo.
Let's face it- none of the later Trek spin offs could hold a candle to Babylon 5, but that's probably a post for another time.
Something that is quite worrying is the news that they are making a new Star Trek film that goes back to the original series. How they can hope to replace the original actors is beyond me. While there must be generations of people now that haven't seen it, would these people really be interested in any Star Trek movie? The long term Trekkers (or is it Trekkies, I can never remember) are probably going to hate anything that tries to rewrite the characters they know and love. Having said that some of those fans have gone out and done the very same thing themselves. Take a look here if you don't believe me.

I suppose only time will tell if this new film works or not but I for one think it's about time they let Trek rest for a bit.





Captain Kirk enjoys the latest of his alien lovers.

Hello Karma

So it's a trade off you want is it?

With the possibility of Matt Good playing some venues in England looking slightly more likely now he is hunting for places to live over here I was beginning to wonder if this was too good to be true.
Now it seems that this news has to be tempered with the fact that I am completely broke at the moment. The reason I mention this is because 3, that's THREE, of my favourite authors are doing a signing session in London within days of each other and I can't afford to go.
Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett and Alan Moore. I've been to see Gaiman the past 3 years when he has come to London and I've been to see Pratchett once, many years ago now, but for Alan Moore to do a signing is a huge rarity. To make things worse Moore is being interviewed by Stewart Lee before the signing- one of my favourite comedians.
So if you are fortunate enough to be going to any of the above, think of me having to stay in and read my *sob* unsigned books ...and please bare in mind that it is my birthday soon (Oh come on, it's worth a try).

Karma- If you are listening- I better get a Matt Good gig out of this.

The Flat Hunting Tour '06

Could it finally be that I might yet get a chance to see Matthew Good perform live?

He had this to say in a recent post: "...I’m going to England to house/flat hunt..."

Now I have no idea why anyone would choose England over Canada but who am I to complain. The chances are he still wouldn't get any air time on the radio over here. Most of the UK radio stations are more concerned with current trends rather than anything that's new and interesting but I know there are a few Matt Good fans about in England so here's hoping.

It's Scary Because It's True

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Captain Beaky

I impressed Avenger at work recently while she was flicking through an Edgar Allan Poe book by quoting a line from 'Alone,' one of his poems. I'm a big fan of Poe and could easily have gone on to impress everyone even more by launching in to a rendition of 'The Raven'. Instead I decided to blow all my street cred while still proving that I can quote from more than one poem by reciting the opening verse of 'Captain Beaky.'
I have no shame.
I'm not sure what my thought process was. 'Hmmm, what poem would wow everyone now? What about 'The Raven?' That's a poem about a bird. I wonder if there are any other poems about birds... Wait just a minute...! Captain Beaky!'
I used to love Captain Beaky when I was much, much smaller to the point that I used to know the whole thing off by heart.
However the only other person in the room who was able to join in, in fact probably the only other person in the room who had even heard of Captain Beaky was my brother (the artist formerly known as Rhub). I've decided that it's time this sorry situation changed (as well as proving to Avenger that we weren't making it up as we went along) so I urge you all to click here for the complete lyrics to 'Captain Beaky & His Band.'

Enjoy. When I said that I used to love it when I was much, much smaller I should add that I still love it now.

Natuarally with something this good there was the inevitable sequel which you can read here.

I even get a reference in the penultimate line.
:)

Mummy Do Cheese!

After a looooong week at work (in spite of a Bank Holiday) I've just had a nice relaxing weekend doing very little.

On Thursday after I got home from work, I walked through the door to find GF in her highchair. As soon as she saw me she started pointing at her mum and shouting "Mummy do cheese!" at the top of her voice. Neither of us had a clue what she was on about other than the fact that mummy had apparently been doing cheese, but she kept insisting and wouldn't settle down until I had given MC a telling off and told her not to do cheese anymore. Nobody had had any cheese to eat that day so we were pretty much in the dark.

Naturally this became a running joke for the last couple of days. If MC was up to anything and someone turned to GF and said "What's mummy doing?" they would be greeted by a chorus of "Mummy do cheese!"

Finally today we actually found out what she meant.

MC was getting dressed. As she put some deodorant on GF pointed and shouted "Cheese!" as she tried to immitate the noise the can of deodorant was making.
MC remembered that she had put some on just before I had got in the other day and the mystery of the cheese was finally solved. I think it may last a while longer as a catchphrase though.