Wine

The advantage of having a girlfriend who can't drink alcohol at the moment is that I get all the nice alcoholic drinks to myself. If you've read some of my older posts you will know that I'm not much of a one for drinking. I tend to avoid beers and lagers because I just can't stand the taste. I mean, what is the appeal of lager? Who in their right mind would want a hedgehog to wee in their mouth? No one. So why pay for a glass of it?
I can't stand wine either. Generally tastes awful, people get all pompous about it and it always goes straight to my head. Give me spirits any day. Except when I'm the designated driver of course. However I do make an exception for some wines. It was my mums birthday last Sunday so we went to a place called The Ringlestone for a meal. They do the most weird and wonderful wines there that actually taste like I always imagined wine must taste like when I was a child. Strawberry, Raspberry, Elderflower, even Parsnip (although even I haven't dared try that one yet). My favourite has to be Golden Plum which I tend to get a bottle to take home if I'm driving (The Ringlestone is in the middle of nowhere) so that's what I've enjoyed finishing tonight.
I should warn you though that walking out of the restuarant clutching two bottles of my favourite wine and shouting "Behold! My Golden Plums!" is never as funny to everyone else as it is in my head.

Overlord of the Dance

Spider was watching Strictly Dance Fever tonight. For those of you not in the know (God clearly loves you) pairs of dancers compete for the chance to win lots of cash.

That's pretty much it.

All I can really add is that no amount of cash is worth some of the outfits they come out wearing, but each to their own.

This week the dancers had to choose between dancing a Guapacha (you what now?) routine or a Charleston.
Now I'm sure these people are very talented in their own I-stole-these-clothes-from-the-set-of-a-porn-film kind of way. It would be unfair of me to mock their dancing because I can't dance for toffee. Believe me I've tried. I really like toffee.

...

Where was I? Mind wondered for a minute. Oh yes. The point of all this (apart from demonstrating that I think about the unimportant things way too much) is:
The majority of people sat at home watching this have probably hardly ever danced in their entire life. The show will not inspire them to go out, dusting off any moth eaten dancing shoes they may have. At the most they might go out and rent 'Flashdance' again but that's probably it. So why don't they make the show more relevant to the average viewer. If they can make up dances like the Guapacha (wasn't he in Star Wars?) then why not do some of those more established dances we all know and love. The 'How to Embarrass Your Kids' dance, or 'Drunken Woman at Wedding' jive. In fact what makes the show a complete farce is the fact that they never, never do the ultimate all time greatest ever dance.
This show needs 'The Robot'.

Magic 8 Blog

My MP3 player can predict the future.

Remember those Magic 8 Balls that you had to shake to get the little message to appear with the answer to your question? This is better.

Those of you that have been reading my site might remember the music meme I did. If not, here is a link to it.

As you can see one of the questions was 'Will I ever have children?' to which my little gadget replied by playing 'I Did It' by Dave Matthews Band. This of course was true as I already have a gorgeous daughter who enjoys running around our new flat colouring in the nice white walls with her crayons. However, I put a quote from the song next to the question which was "You better lock me up I'll do it again."

And it looks like we have. Baby 2: The sequel should be due some time in December. I'll do my best to keep you posted as to what's happening while trying to leave out bits like the whole 'morning sickness' thing Spider is currently blaming me for.

Current mood: Scared and excited all over again.
Current song: Snow Patrol- You're all I Have (keep hearing this on the radio. Hope the rest of the album is as good)

(-If anyone should have some deep and meaningful questions they need an answer to, leave it here in the comments section and I'll get the MP3 on the case!-)

Puzzled

Stumbled across this strange little game the other night and I'm still trying to figure it out.

Click here to go to the Hapland site.

If anyone can tell me what to do I'd be grateful! I've managed to get the little guy to run to the cannon then blow a few things up but that's about it. I think I got too distracted once I found out you can get the little matchstick men fighting.

Google

Korova told me today that if you type in 'World Called Catastrophe' on Google my site gets listed at the top of page 3. I took a look and lo and behold there I am sandwiched in between hundreds of pages of Matt Good lyric sites. At least I'm in good company (I'm reffering to the lyric sites, not page 3 for those of you now expecting to find semi naked women on my blog. My partner would kill me).
Still to my mind that now means I'm more important than the alternate universe Marvel role playing game tucked away on page 5 of Google and that's what matters. Just kidding, we all know curiosity will get the better of me and I'll be looking at that site later.


Just seen something that has really depressed me. Spider is watching 'The Apprentice' on the tv right now. The winning team for this weeks task are being sent off to Rome as their prize. One of the winners (I think his name is Paul) is going on about how he's been to Rome and how great it is when he comes out with the line 'They've got the Colosseum. That's where they filmed Gladiator.'
How ignorant is that. The Colosseum! And that is seriously all he can say about it. P***k. Wasn't it just a CGI Colosseum anyway?
This can't just be my prejudice against the historical inaccuracies of Gladiator coming out again can it? I really need to get over this and move on.

Nature or Nurture

Driving home from work tonight with Rhub sat in the back of the car next to my daughter. She starts attacking him with her steely fists of infant rage, laughing with glee.
She definately takes after her mother.

Evil

I found this while looking for something interesting to brighten up my blog. A little disappointed with my result. Must try harder in future.

You Are 44% Evil

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side. Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

How Evil Are You?

Give it a go and let me know what you get.

Tiredness

I'm really tired right now. I've been blaming it on all sorts of things- a side affect of raising children, poor diet, even air pollution, but I've just discovered it isn't any of that at all.
It turns out I'm tired because I'm overworked.
You see, if the population of this country is 51 million and 21 million are retired that just leaves 30 million to do the work. There are 19 million in school which leaves 11 million to do the work. 2 million are unemployed, 4 million are employed by the Government and 1 million are in the armed forces, leaving 4 million to do the work. Of those 3 million are employed by County and Borough Councils leaving just 1 million to do the work. There are 620,000 people in hospitals and 379,998 in prison. This means that there are just TWO people to do the work. YOU and ME.












And you're sat on your arse reading this- it's no wonder I'm so bloody tired.

Stress Test

Apparently working in a library is meant to be one of the most stressfull jobs in the world. Personally I find this pretty laughable as before I worked in libraries I worked in retail, which is just awful. I will also never be a doctor or any of the hundreds of other jobs you're currently thinking of that are infinitely more stressfull.

If however you actually do one of those jobs I reccomend that you take this free stress test.

A Warning

----------------------"Your cupboards will be mine."-----------------------

Note to Self:

Ease up on all the badger & clown references or alienate new readers with all the in- jokes.




DO NOT substitute with ducks.

Happy Easter

I know mine will be. Four whole days off work and I get chocolate.

There Go The Ducks

I had one of those conversations today where somebody suddenly says something totally random that just completely puts you off balance.

K: "When I was driving in today I saw three dead ducks on the road in three different places. I never see dead ducks."

Me: "Thats... nice."

I'm still not sure if he was making a 'Sixth Sense' reference or not.

Here Come The Badgers

Seeing as the badgers are currently at the top of my cupboard poll I thought I would celebrate by sharing this with you.

Here's one for all you badger lovers out there.

Digging for Work

After much discussion it has been decided that if I ever give up a life of working with books I should get a job at 'Diggerland' and drive around in minitaure JCB's all day.

The only problem might be fighting the children for a go on a vehicle.

At night I would supplement my income by taking the JCB's out and ram raiding minitaure banks.
I kind of envisage a low budget 'Italian Job.'

bad music day

It was pointed out to me that Kurt Cobain also died on April 5th. Not a great day for the music that I've lived with over the years.

Gene Pitney

Sad day today.

I'm addicted to music. I can't play or sing to save my life but I love listening to it. Stone Temple Pilots, Matt Good, Sarah Mclachlan, Black Lab, Counting Crows all live happily in my trusty MP3 player. Any time that I've gone through a difficult period in my life or I've felt down my music collection has been a constant reassurance. I just feel better after listening to it or singing loudly and out of tune along with whatever I'm in the mood for. Of course anyone who has to hear me actually singing would probably think I'm in a lot of pain and those that know me tend to politely leave the room for the sake of their own sanity. I'll also admit to being a bit of a music snob, especially when it comes to some of the guff you find in the UK charts these days, but that's because I'm passionate about what I like. I really don't know what I'd do without it.

The reason for this post is this: I can trace my interest in music back to one person. Gene Pitney. You know how it is when you're growing up, exposed to your parents taste in music. Well I can remember being raised listening to a lot of Billy Joel (the good stuff), a variety of sixties artists, but mainly Gene Pitney. My mum is a huge fan and a couple of times I took her along to some of his concerts. He was an incredible singer with an amazing voice that most singers today can't even come near. To hear him live was amazing. I had the same experience with Sarah Mclachlan when I started to develop my own taste in music. She had an incredible sounding voice on the cd's I bought, really beautiful and haunting, but when I saw her live it was mind blowing. The recordings just don't do her justice.

So it was strange to hear that Gene Pitney died today during his current tour. He had been such a constant in my life for so long I think I'd reached a point where I never considered it happening. If my mum was driving anywhere you could guarentee a couple of Pitney tracks playing on the tape in the car and every year mum was always trying to see him in concert. It was just something I was used to, I guess.

The best thing about Pitney was probably the fact that he had no need to be touring. He made his fortune as a song writer for other artists back in the sixties but still enjoyed playing to his incredibly loyal fans. As a singer he was probably more popular in Europe than America. As a result he ended up touring the UK on a yearly basis, selling out at every venue. He appreciated the loyalty of his fans and made himself available to them because of it.

I had recently been talking to a friend of mine about musical tastes and he had mentioned how he didn't like artists that were of a certain age and still trying to make records because he felt almost embarrased by them. It never even crossed my mind to think of Pitney in this light because his voice was still incredibly powerfull and he never seemed to be trying to prove anything. He had such an extensive back catalogue of songs to pull from as well that this probably explains why people were so happy to go and see him year after year. My mum has over 250 in her collection.

So there you have it. When I'm dazzling you with all these bands I like that you've never heard of in an attempt to look cool, just remember that deep down I'm a closet Gene Pitney fan.
Without him my life would have been a little less... musical. And if my parents are reading please bare in mind this: All the bands I listen to that you used to complain about - It's your fault I like them!

Quote of the Week

"I'll smack down a clown!"

Thanks to Xulub for that.

Now I want everyone to try and fit that in to a conversation.

Giving it your all

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 = 96%

A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So it seems that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there and bullshit will put you over the top.

But look how far ass kissing will take you.
A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

So the next time someone asks you to give more than 100% you know exactly what is required of you.