Proffessor X's School for Gifted Youngsters: We Don't Run Background Checks
Professor X: So, you'd like to enroll at my school?
Wolverine (absently lighting a cigar): Yes, sir. Very much so.
Professor X: And how old did you say you were?
Wolverine (scratching his mutant sidies): Er... (coff!) twelve?
Professer X: Get out.
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I can't bring myself to go and see X- Men 3.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to, as if they seem to think I'm some sort of comic geek or something (as if... well maybe a little).
I've never been a huge Wolverine fan, so I haven't been too keen on the huge amount of focus his character has had in the first two films. They keep talking about a Wolverine spin off film but what's the point- The X- movies are just Wolvie films.
I've never really understood why his character is so popular. He's this hairy old guy that likes to hang out with the young girls on the X- team. That's not cool. Shadowcat? Jubilee? The ongoing obsession with Jean Grey? The fact that he seems to have been married to every female villian going in the comics? It's wrong I tells ya.
And lets not talk about the 'Ultimate' range of Marvel comics that actually has Wolverine sleep with a far too young Jean Grey; statutary rape apparently being the Marvel way now. For crying out loud, depending on what his current origin is he's between 60- 160 odd years old.
I think another reason for my bitterness is the fact that when I started reading comics X- Men was one of the titles that got me started. Over the years it just went steadily downhill, culminating in the truly pointless 'Onslaught' storyline which if I remember correctly involved Professor X's pent up sexual frustration turning him in to an unstoppable purple helmeted killing machine. I'm not joking. This was the point I realised there had to be better comics out there. Today I tend to stick to Warren Ellis written stuff that, while it still features an occasional unstoppable purple helmeted killing machine, is at least well written and deliberately funny.
I did gamely try to stick with X- Men for a little while after 'Onslaught', presumably through some misguided sense of loyalty. However after the first X- film came out they tried to make the comics more like their celuloid other, changing the costumes to the black jumpsuits of the movie and even making the features of the characters look more like the actors that had played them. The best example being the ugly bouncing midget Toad suddenly turning in to Ray Park with little more than a throwaway line as an explanation. They even changed the powers of comic-Toad so that they were suddenly the same as the movie version of Toad. Why? Who knows. You would have thought that the comic, being the original source, would at least stay true to itself. It didn't. I still take a quick peek to see whats going on every now and then. So far nothing has ever convinced me to give it another chance. Not even the combination of Joss Whedon and John Cassady working on it.
So the Wolverine heavy trailer for X3 and the rumours I've heard haven't convinced me to see it. Wolverine and Storm are two of my least favourite characters and the film seems to have them as the team leaders now- star pulling power overiding established characterisations from the comics I knew.
I know the films are a different type of creature to the comics but I'd just like to see them done with at least some of the heart of their origin. I know it can be done- Just look at Spidey 1 & 2.
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***
When Rhub saw the trailer he complained about the fact that Wolverine and Storm seem to be leading the team. Like me he would have liked to have seen Cyclops have something to do, other than be incapacited early on in a fight. In fact from what I've heard Cyclops is so incapacitated in this one he is in fact dead.
Rhub also mentioned the fact that the schools pupils like Shadowcat and Colossus suddenly seem to be fully fledged X- Men which, lets face it, shouldn't be any surprise if Wolverine really is leading the team...
It just looks like they are trying to cram too many people in to an already crowded franchise.
I've also heard that Professor X escapes death by transfering his conciousness in to another body in the worlds most elaborate hair transplant. I'd rather have seen a battle with giant sentinels but each to their own.
***********************
I'll leave you with this thought. The internal timeline of the comics means Wolverine has been part of the X- Men for roughly 20 years. During this time he's been through various relationships (even marriages) and throughout it all he has constantly mooned after Jean Grey, continuously pursuing her even when she was married herself. So why do people still think he's cool when he is clearly the mutant equivalent of Adrian Mole?
If you have seen X3 and think I'm being too harsh you can convince me in the comments section. I really want to be wrong!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE X MANSION, LATER THAT SAME WEEK
Professor X: So you'd like to become a teacher here Mr... Logan?
Wolverine: That's right, bub.
Professor X: Are you drinking a beer in an interview?
Wolverine: Beer? No. Oh, you mean this? No I confiscated it off one of the little bastards. 'Snot mine.
Professor X: If you don't mind me saying so, you don't sound particularly well educated.
Wolverine: I'll have you know I'm incredibly well spoken, dontchaknow. The gruff front is just for credibility. Chicks, sorry, ladies do rather enjoy it. I'm ever so posh, me.
Professor X: And what did you say your power was?
Wolverine: I penetrate people with my steely protrubrances.
Professor X: Get out.
Wolverine (absently lighting a cigar): Yes, sir. Very much so.
Professor X: And how old did you say you were?
Wolverine (scratching his mutant sidies): Er... (coff!) twelve?
Professer X: Get out.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't bring myself to go and see X- Men 3.
Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to, as if they seem to think I'm some sort of comic geek or something (as if... well maybe a little).
I've never been a huge Wolverine fan, so I haven't been too keen on the huge amount of focus his character has had in the first two films. They keep talking about a Wolverine spin off film but what's the point- The X- movies are just Wolvie films.
I've never really understood why his character is so popular. He's this hairy old guy that likes to hang out with the young girls on the X- team. That's not cool. Shadowcat? Jubilee? The ongoing obsession with Jean Grey? The fact that he seems to have been married to every female villian going in the comics? It's wrong I tells ya.
And lets not talk about the 'Ultimate' range of Marvel comics that actually has Wolverine sleep with a far too young Jean Grey; statutary rape apparently being the Marvel way now. For crying out loud, depending on what his current origin is he's between 60- 160 odd years old.
I think another reason for my bitterness is the fact that when I started reading comics X- Men was one of the titles that got me started. Over the years it just went steadily downhill, culminating in the truly pointless 'Onslaught' storyline which if I remember correctly involved Professor X's pent up sexual frustration turning him in to an unstoppable purple helmeted killing machine. I'm not joking. This was the point I realised there had to be better comics out there. Today I tend to stick to Warren Ellis written stuff that, while it still features an occasional unstoppable purple helmeted killing machine, is at least well written and deliberately funny.
I did gamely try to stick with X- Men for a little while after 'Onslaught', presumably through some misguided sense of loyalty. However after the first X- film came out they tried to make the comics more like their celuloid other, changing the costumes to the black jumpsuits of the movie and even making the features of the characters look more like the actors that had played them. The best example being the ugly bouncing midget Toad suddenly turning in to Ray Park with little more than a throwaway line as an explanation. They even changed the powers of comic-Toad so that they were suddenly the same as the movie version of Toad. Why? Who knows. You would have thought that the comic, being the original source, would at least stay true to itself. It didn't. I still take a quick peek to see whats going on every now and then. So far nothing has ever convinced me to give it another chance. Not even the combination of Joss Whedon and John Cassady working on it.
So the Wolverine heavy trailer for X3 and the rumours I've heard haven't convinced me to see it. Wolverine and Storm are two of my least favourite characters and the film seems to have them as the team leaders now- star pulling power overiding established characterisations from the comics I knew.
I know the films are a different type of creature to the comics but I'd just like to see them done with at least some of the heart of their origin. I know it can be done- Just look at Spidey 1 & 2.
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS***
When Rhub saw the trailer he complained about the fact that Wolverine and Storm seem to be leading the team. Like me he would have liked to have seen Cyclops have something to do, other than be incapacited early on in a fight. In fact from what I've heard Cyclops is so incapacitated in this one he is in fact dead.
Rhub also mentioned the fact that the schools pupils like Shadowcat and Colossus suddenly seem to be fully fledged X- Men which, lets face it, shouldn't be any surprise if Wolverine really is leading the team...
It just looks like they are trying to cram too many people in to an already crowded franchise.
I've also heard that Professor X escapes death by transfering his conciousness in to another body in the worlds most elaborate hair transplant. I'd rather have seen a battle with giant sentinels but each to their own.
***********************
I'll leave you with this thought. The internal timeline of the comics means Wolverine has been part of the X- Men for roughly 20 years. During this time he's been through various relationships (even marriages) and throughout it all he has constantly mooned after Jean Grey, continuously pursuing her even when she was married herself. So why do people still think he's cool when he is clearly the mutant equivalent of Adrian Mole?
If you have seen X3 and think I'm being too harsh you can convince me in the comments section. I really want to be wrong!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE X MANSION, LATER THAT SAME WEEK
Professor X: So you'd like to become a teacher here Mr... Logan?
Wolverine: That's right, bub.
Professor X: Are you drinking a beer in an interview?
Wolverine: Beer? No. Oh, you mean this? No I confiscated it off one of the little bastards. 'Snot mine.
Professor X: If you don't mind me saying so, you don't sound particularly well educated.
Wolverine: I'll have you know I'm incredibly well spoken, dontchaknow. The gruff front is just for credibility. Chicks, sorry, ladies do rather enjoy it. I'm ever so posh, me.
Professor X: And what did you say your power was?
Wolverine: I penetrate people with my steely protrubrances.
Professor X: Get out.
posted by The Neath at 11:52 pm
5 Comments:
X-men 3 - decidedly average. But what is wrong with that?? I aspire towards all that is average in life. Celebrate the culture of average-ness. Just don't go too mad.
Oy! There's nothing wrong with short, hairy, disagreeable men who moon after women. Watch it, Stretcho!
Korova- On average you haven't convinced me. Although I have to wonder just how average you think those blogwars are you've been trying to start elsewhere...
Xulub- You're right of course. At least you're not a short, hairy disagreeable man who moons AT women. That would be an awful mutant power.
When i heard X-men 3 was due out i very nearly pissed my pants. Now it was not for the great story line cause in all honesty who cares when it has Hugh in it however a girl can have to much of a good thing and seeing a hairy man running around on screen for 2hrs did not do it for me. I say NO NO NO to X- men 3, there are better things to do with your time such as touching yourself whilst reading other blogs.
Friday drinks was cancelled, so I caved in...
Here's the short version:
Not quite the sbomination (or 'Monstrous carbuncle on the face of a much-loved friend') that we feared, but one hell of a shame. A damned shame.
Neath will recieve the full-length uber-geek dissection at some point.
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