Irrational Fears
For some people it's spiders for others it's wide open places. For me it's sharks.
It could be their eyes. Look at them next time you see one. They have the cold dead eyes of an ewok. Then again it's probably the humungous mouth filled with row after row of nasty pointy teeth. It might even be the fact that they absorb their urine in to their blood before secreting it through the skin. Whatever it is, admit it; even you wouldn't want to be sharing a pool with one.
My partner can't seem to understand this. If ever the topic comes up - for example a picture in a book or on tv, cue me hiding behind a sofa - she will just say 'What are the chances of you ever meeting a shark?'
Now let's look at this for a minute. Ignoring the fact that the point of an irrational fear is its very irrationality - How many victims of shark attacks actually went out that day thinking 'wonder if I'll meet a shark today?'
Very few I imagine. If you knew you were going to meet one you'd do your damnedest to avoid it. In my view it's best to be prepared.
Now before you start on with all that 'Oh, they only attack people because they mistake them for seals' rubbish in some strange misguided attempt to make their behaviour acceptable, think about it. Seals. Those incredibly cute furry puppy dog eyed critters you used to love as a child. Seals. And they eat them. Bastards. Sharks, with their dead staring eyes. Did you know that they do have eyelids, they just don't use them. That's how evil they are.
So why would someone want to go and create cyborg sharks?
These things are already essentially a very large missile with a huge toothy mouth, so lets not encourage them. Please?
Can you imagine being in the middle of the ocean when all of a sudden one of those little red laser dots appears out of nowhere?
Welcome to my nightmare.
You're probably thinking, 'What's the big deal? If I get attacked by a shark I'll just punch it on the nose.'
Wrong.
For a start if that really was their weakness you don't think they wouldn't just go and get that improved on with some heavy duty cyborg implementation now do you?
Secondly who do you think actually started that whole punch a shark on the nose rumour? Sharks, that's who. If you're going to thrust an arm out at a shark do you really want it to be towards the part of a shark that's nearest to its mouth?
Didn't think so.
You see? Now I've got you worried. Tell us, you're probably crying, there must be something we can do.
And there is.
Apparently if you turn a shark upside down they will go in to a natural state of paralysis.
So there you have it. The next time you see a shark charging towards you, just tickle its belly.
aaaaw. They are quite cute after all.
It could be their eyes. Look at them next time you see one. They have the cold dead eyes of an ewok. Then again it's probably the humungous mouth filled with row after row of nasty pointy teeth. It might even be the fact that they absorb their urine in to their blood before secreting it through the skin. Whatever it is, admit it; even you wouldn't want to be sharing a pool with one.
My partner can't seem to understand this. If ever the topic comes up - for example a picture in a book or on tv, cue me hiding behind a sofa - she will just say 'What are the chances of you ever meeting a shark?'
Now let's look at this for a minute. Ignoring the fact that the point of an irrational fear is its very irrationality - How many victims of shark attacks actually went out that day thinking 'wonder if I'll meet a shark today?'
Very few I imagine. If you knew you were going to meet one you'd do your damnedest to avoid it. In my view it's best to be prepared.
Now before you start on with all that 'Oh, they only attack people because they mistake them for seals' rubbish in some strange misguided attempt to make their behaviour acceptable, think about it. Seals. Those incredibly cute furry puppy dog eyed critters you used to love as a child. Seals. And they eat them. Bastards. Sharks, with their dead staring eyes. Did you know that they do have eyelids, they just don't use them. That's how evil they are.
So why would someone want to go and create cyborg sharks?
These things are already essentially a very large missile with a huge toothy mouth, so lets not encourage them. Please?
Can you imagine being in the middle of the ocean when all of a sudden one of those little red laser dots appears out of nowhere?
Welcome to my nightmare.
You're probably thinking, 'What's the big deal? If I get attacked by a shark I'll just punch it on the nose.'
Wrong.
For a start if that really was their weakness you don't think they wouldn't just go and get that improved on with some heavy duty cyborg implementation now do you?
Secondly who do you think actually started that whole punch a shark on the nose rumour? Sharks, that's who. If you're going to thrust an arm out at a shark do you really want it to be towards the part of a shark that's nearest to its mouth?
Didn't think so.
You see? Now I've got you worried. Tell us, you're probably crying, there must be something we can do.
And there is.
Apparently if you turn a shark upside down they will go in to a natural state of paralysis.
So there you have it. The next time you see a shark charging towards you, just tickle its belly.
aaaaw. They are quite cute after all.
posted by The Neath at 10:05 pm
6 Comments:
ok thats good,i am sitting in a room full of people pissing my pants with laughter. The looks i am getting remind me of the time when a discussion came up regarding food we ate as children and someone chirped in with 'carpet burgers',haha make of that as you wish
You should have gone before you started work!
Dammit! Now you've gone and mentioned it I'm going to have to tell the 'carpet burger' story in all its seedy glory. Look out for it in a future blog.
Now get back to work G. At least I can say I finished half an hour ago!
honey as much as i love you your shark fear is a load of balls
1. you dont swim and sharks dont walk on dry land
2 they cant get up through the plug hole no matter what you may think
3 nothing is scary unless it has 8 legs
Hmmm... Let's look at this for a moment shall we?
Spiders- tiny, bit creepy, lots of legs yet still notouriously crap swimmers. If they try and bite you you'll probably be lucky to feel a tickle. More likely to be swallowed by you in your sleep.
Sharks- a big scary travelling death trap mouth. Widely regarded as the ultimate killing machine.
Now who's being irrational?
... mind you if the two were ever cross bred...
Thanks for that link to the page about the cyborg sharks. Interesting stuff but the scientists involved have obviously never seen Deep Blue Sea. You don't mess with sharks!!!
Every time.
Always flush first kids!
Post a Comment
<< Home