The Bees Knee

There was more oddness going on across the road from where I work this Saturday.

This time there was a big soundstage outside the pub opposite where they were performing karaoke. Being stuck in the library working on such a hot day meant we had as many doors and windows open as possible.
Unfortunately this meant we could hear every song.

I'll be honest- I can't sing at all, but you see- that is why you won't catch me on a stage performing to an audience.
These 'singers' weren't going to let a little thing like that stop them.

To make things even weirder a bee randomly flew in to the building and decided to head straight for my leg where it then decided it was going to stay.


I was working with GW at the time who decided to adopt the bee and went off to get a camera to take a picture. There was a slightly awkward moment when she came back with it while I was serving a customer and went to take a photo under the desk but stopped at the last minute when she suddenly realised how dodgy that looked.


The bee made it's home among some books on the desk we were working at and it was obvious the poor thing was on its last legs as it was quite content to just sit there. However when it did die with those legs in the air in a comedy fashion GW got all upset, accusing me of killing it (she'd obviously been reading my blog). There were even tears in her eyes, but that could have been due to the karaoke outside.
The bee then made a rather undignified exit from the library. GW decided to take it outside, rejecting my suggestion that we pop it in the bin. She lifted it with a piece of card and headed towards the door where the wind promptly blew it off and on to the floor. GW then proceeded to use the card to roll the poor thing out on to the path. Who knows what the customers thought she was doing.
I think she felt better after this as she decided to make me a badge. Then again...

What Muppet

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

Obviously the fact that I am Kermit has come as a bigger surprise than the fact that I am a Muppet.

Free Gift

I was out for a drink recently with some friends and occasional bloggers (come on guys, you're falling way behind) when the subject came up about the clown theme that cropped up on my blog a few months ago. The really strange thing was that the whole clown thing started to find it's way on to other people's blogs (you know who you are) so at the time I stopped mentioning it before it started to get out of control. While we were out I foolishly said that the clowning would make a brief comeback to this site if I ever got back online so before people start on at me here is the secret weapon I had been waiting to unveil:

As a special treat for people that have been reading this blog from the start, or even anyone that has bothered to go back and read my earlier posts, here is the book for you:

I'm Back

And I'm not happy, filthy readers.

What's the first thing I find when I go to my blog? Someone (*coff*korova*coff*) has decided it would be funny to link a dancing badger to my page. Not just any dancing badger, oh no. No Fred Astaire is he. Instead I get giant badger wanger.
Good god man, what goes through your mind when you look for these things? At least my beedogs aren't likely to leave too many mental scars. I need to get a brillo pad so I can start scrubbing that image from my eyes. I thought it was bad enough when you revealed where you now have to order your writing instruments after an unfortunate mis-type while online.
Shamefull.

Anyway, there is some good news- the nice BT phone engineer man has restored my internet to life. Tesco- if you're reading this it took 2 minutes!!! No longer will I have to hide out in seedy joints of dubious repute to do my blogging (in case anyone was wondering how I met korova). I'll also get my lunch hours back.

On the downside it may be a while before I do blog again after this post. I meant what I said about scrubbing my eyes. That was Horrible. Now, where did I put the bleach...


Amendum: WorldCalledCatastrophe would like to state that it in no way reccomends it's readers try the above at home. While scrubbing your eyes with a brillo pad is stupid, watching a naked badger dance is even worse.

Bee... Dogs

Yes, you read that right. After all the talk of bees on this site due to the strange way that every now and then certain animals seem to take over my blog I had to mention this site.

Ladies and gentlemen I give you... Beedogs.

Apparently they claim to be "the premier online repository for pictures of dogs in bee costumes" and I for one believe them. After all what are the chances of another website like this existing.

On second thoughts don't answer that.

I think the fact that these dopey creatures actually allow themselves to be humiliated in this way only proves to me more and more why I prefer cats.

The Cake

I think I mentioned something in an earlier post about an amusingly shaped birthday cake.

The story behind this is that for little GF's birthday she was made a teapot shaped birthday cake that did cause some minor controversy. However it wasn't the fact that the cake was a teapot that started any subsequent... discussion.



Some people, who shall remain nameless, decided that a certain part of the cake was ever so slightly... dodgy. Personally I don't know what all the fuss was about but just in case any men reading might well want to look away before they see the next picture.



That image aside the cake was really nice and almost completely eaten up that day. Except for one part... And that was only because it was stolen.
All I'll say is that some people were so impressed by the cake that they were already placing their orders for next year.

Lightsabre Duel

I had this pointed out to me the other day. It's pretty amazing and definately more fun to watch than certain 'proper' Star Wars films I've seen recently. The Jedi Mexican standoff at the end is something Lucas should definately have done.
Enjoy.



Via: VideoSift

Edit: If that doesn't work (which it doesn't seem to be) then click here to see it.

Half an Hour Later...

... And nothing much actually happened at all. I had a bit of lunch but that's about it. Sorry I was hoping I'd have something a bit more exciting to report.
Never mind.

Oh look, I've actually got a minute left to g-

Stand By For Action

Xulub's Photo

That is to say that this is a photo sent to me from Xulub and not in fact a picture of Xulub himself.






Although it has been a while since I saw him.






And he had consumed a fair amount of alcohol at the time.






Blimey. Imagine waking up the next day to find out that not only have you got a massive hangover but somehow you've only gone and wound up on the island of Dr Moreau.

Pressure!

I popped on to my blog today to find my readers (okay, just Aliemalie) were getting restless and demanding a new post from me. Here were the two most recent comments:

"AlieMalie said...
you need a new post.

Xulub said...
He does, doesn't he. But he's a busy man. I'll send him a photo. "

It’s nice to be in demand. I’ve never had a groupie before, but enough about Xulub and back to Aliemalie. Hello! I don’t know what you’re complaining about when you’ve had those road signs to look at for all this time. They’re great.
:)

The reason I haven’t posted for a bit is because I got all my stuff through for my new internet connection and… guess what? That’s right, I still can’t get online!

NnnnnooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!!!

I’m beginning to think that some things are just not meant to be. I was a bit fed up with going on my blog to complain about my lack of access- if it was boring me I figured it would be boring everyone else and I just wasn’t getting the time to do a decent post. I’ve had all these topics for posts crop up and then not had the chance to do them so the moment has passed. Stories of the outlaws, time traveling blind dates and even amusingly shaped birthday cakes. Classics one and all. Very frustrating to the point of giving up my blog for dead but I’m still kind of hanging in there and trying to leave comments on other blogs whenever I can. I am trying to get my connection sorted and that is the last I’ll talk about it until I either get back online again or I get so pissed with it once more that I end up needing to have a rant.
Xulub is also right of course. I am a very busy man: Nappies to change, bees to smite, clowns to smack and so on. Thanks for the picture, I’ll try and get it put up on here.

In the meantime here is a quiz type thing I’ve taken from Wes’ site over at ‘Smash the Machine’. Well, not taken exactly. I mean if you go and look for it it’s still there, I’ve just copied it to put my own answers in. Here goes:


What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? Mini Cheddars. Cheese is good to eat before sleeping, right?

What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? 'Transformers: The Movie'. It’s a beautiful thing.

What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments? Touching my glasses. Which can be embarrassing because it has become such a habit that sometimes I’ll go to do it then suddenly realise I’m not actually wearing my glasses. I end up stood there with this hand paused in mid air thinking: If I put my hand down now will anyone notice or do I just carry on and pretend I need to scratch my cheek or something…? Of course, by the time I’ve thought through all of that it’s way too late.

Do you know anyone famous? I used to work with the lead singer and the drummer of a band called ‘Johnny Panic’. Amazing band to see live. Unfortunately parenthood has made it difficult to get out and see them for quite some time.

Do you know how to play poker? Vaguely. I haven’t played it for a while.

What do you miss most about being a kid? Actually having a legitimate excuse to buy toys and comics.

Are you happy with your given name? Yes.

How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? About £10,000. Or I could just sign up with Tesco. Boy, did I take the wrong option.

What color is your bedroom? White. Not a very exciting answer, I know.

What was the last song you were listening to? ‘Downfall’ by Matchbox Twenty.

Do you talk a lot? No.

Which musical instrument do you wish you could play? Hammond B3 Organ

How do you eat an apple? Is this a trick question? Orally. The alternative doesn’t bear thinking about.

Do you have tattoos? No. Yuck.

Do you drive a stick? No, I have a car. You can still get burnt for being a witch in England.

What's one trait you dislike in a person? Arrogance.

What kind of watch do you wear? Casio.

Do you consider yourself materialistic? Yes. I’m a spiritualistic materialist.

What do you cook the best? Roast potato’s.

Favorite writing instrument? Pencil. And paper.

What kind of books do you like to read? Fantasy, historical, non- fiction. I’m easy.

If you won the lottery, what would you do? Pay off debts. Build an army.

Burial or cremation? Viking longboat.

How many online journals do you read regularly? Back in the day when I had internet access, roughly five.

What's one thing you're a loser at? Dealing with other people. I seem to be a lot less patient these days.

If you don't like a person, how do you show it? A horse's head in their bed. Actually I just do my utmost to avoid them.

Do you cry in front of your friends? No.

When's the last time you cried? Not sure, I haven’t watched ‘Transformers’ for a while.

Favorite type of music? Grunge, indie, acoustic.

What are your kids names? Still not decided on one of them! Don’t pressure me!

Do you watch a lot of television? There are certain shows that I always try to catch, like ‘Lost’ and ‘Scrubs’ at the moment. Otherwise there’s generally bugger all on but I do have a large dvd collection to fall back on.

Do you like to shop? Forbidden Planet anyone?

What is your hidden talent? It’s so well hidden that I’ll let you know as soon as I find it myself. Maybe I negatively affect internet connections. That’ll never get me in the X-Men.

Would you die to save the life of someone you deeply love? Yes.

How long have you known your best friend(s)? Years. Lets not dwell on it, I’ll only feel old.

Is he/she married? No. None of them.

Do you own a Bible? No.

Do you play chess? Occasionally. Badly. I enjoy playing it but rarely win.

Do you like the rain? Yes.

Do you like thunderstorms? Yes.

Do you believe in God? Which one?
-
8 Favorites.
-
Favorite Color: Red. Black’s good too.

Favorite Food: Yorkshire pudding.

Favorite Song: Currently ‘Alert Status Red’ by Matthew Good.

Favorite Movie: Mallrats. Donnie Darko.

Favorite Sport: Curling.

Favorite Season: Autumn

Favorite Day Of the Week: Friday.

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: When I was little it was Mint Choc Chip. At the moment it’s Strawberry.
-
9 Currents
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Current Mood: Grumpy.

Current Taste: Defeat (see all references to internet troubles).

Current Clothes: Black Jeans, grey t-shirt, odd socks.

Current Desktop: Some kind of blue hyperspace looking thing.

Current Toenail Color: As standard.

Current Time: 22:39 pm

Current Surroundings: My front room. Bookcases currently sagging under the weight of hundreds of books.

Current Annoyance(s): The ongoing bloody saga of my internet connection troubles. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Current Thought: Must. Kill. Tesco.
-
5 Firsts
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First Best Friend: Michael.

First Pet: Billy, a cat.

First Piercing: A paper cut. None for ornamentation I’m afraid.

First Crush: Smurfette. Really. I have this thing for blue women.

First Music: The Muppet Show soundtrack.
-
5 Lasts
-
Last Cigarette: Still not had my first one.

Last Car Ride: About four and a half hours ago, driving home from work.

Last Movie Seen: 'Flightplan'. Brilliant twist. For once Sean Bean is not the villian and he survives the whole film. I did not see that one coming. Apparently that’s also true of ‘Silent Hill’ but I’m avoiding that because I’m squeamish.

Last Phone Call: Spider.

Last CD Played: Stone Temple Pilots- ‘Shangri- La Dee Da’.
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4 Things You've Done Today
-
1. Went to work.
2. Changed some nappies.
3. Prepared this post to put on my blog tomorrow.
4. Got really pissed off when I found out Tesco were still charging me for internet use in spite of canceling my subscription with them twice now.
-
3 Things You Can Hear Right Now
-
1. Three other people in the same room as me talking about the ‘outlaws’, Pratchett books, music. I can’t keep up so I’m typing.
2. The television is currently showing ‘Lost’ so I can hear the characters talking and the sound of the waves on the beach in the background.
3. Me typing.
-
5 Things You Can't Live Without
-
1. Family.
2. MP3 player.
3. Water.
4. Air.
5. Food.
-
2 Things You Do When You're Bored
-
1. Watch a dvd or play on the xbox. It used to be that I’d go on the internet but not at the moment…
2. Listen to music.

... And Back

Here I am again having returned from my travels to far off lands. First of all I should probably apologise to the Welsh for suggesting they were backwards enough to treat me like their avatar. This is clearly not the case as I doubt they would even name a part of their lovely country after me. Never.

That would be too weird wouldn't it? Never going to happen.


Right, glad that's all cleared up then.




This post is really just to let regular readers (both of them) know that I'm still alive. I've signed up with BT to get back online at home and the bits I need to do it should be arriving on the 12th of this month, so I'm looking forward to next week. I've missed my internet access.
:(

The drive down to Wales was fun. As it gradually got darker it started to look as if it was snowing. What it actually was were thousands of bugs committing suicide as they dropped from the sky and made straight for my headlights. By the time we arrived the front of my car was like some horrific mobile bug charnel house.
The drive home was less fun as little GF was sick in the back of the car (that's motorway service station food for you). We cleaned it all up but the next day was incredibly hot which made my car a very unpleasant place to be inside.
Double :(